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Holding my Breath




I have wondered lately why I haven’t had my usual drive. The “oomph” with which I tend to greet most days. Sure, the creeping years and attendant aches and pains slow me down a bit (oh, what I would give for a Star Trek style healing wand that could ease my aching knees!). But it’s bigger than that.


This evening, I saw a neighbor and dog walking friend who I see regularly. On a good day, we cross paths twice a day as we walk and relieve our respective pooches. And the first thing this smart, edified, very aware woman said to me was a declaration of how stressed she is about the upcoming election. “I just want to bury my head until this is over!” I know exactly how she feels and so I concurred, as do most of the people I now know or have ever met in my entire life. This current political climate is making us all nuts.


No matter where you sit on the political spectrum – whether on the side of democracy or on the side of neo-Nazi, wanna-be dictators (sorry, there is no middle ground this time), this whole ridiculous chapter has me wrung out. I’m sick and tired of the news, of whatever the latest poll or update has to say. I simply can’t stand any more.


Maybe this is how strong men finally wear down their citizens to the point where they are so exhausted from feeling like we’re fighting the current, being constantly pummeled with ridiculous and outlandish lies and claims, that they simply tune out. I know, I know – we can’t afford to tune out. But I do know a lot of US citizens that are searching international real estate sites just in case the crazy liar/rapist wins. And as he has said himself “This will be the last election, after this you won’t have to vote anymore.” To seriously consider the ramifications of that one declaration – not to mention the thousands of other threats he routinely makes - is chilling. In a word – unamerican.


Hopefully common sense will prevail and we can preserve this great American experiment called Democracy. In the meantime, we carry on. We walk our dogs, tend our families, do our jobs. Still, I can’t help but feel an overarching sense of dread, of malaise – can there really be that many Americans who believe what I and many others consider blatant lies? Such consistent hypocrisy and deception? Have we really learned so little from history that we would elect a dictator in training and actually choose him over an extremely qualified candidate?

It all makes me want to escape. To turn the channel. If my achy knees would let me, I’d turn on some favorite tunes and go for a run. As it is, I’ll have to settle for some stretching and a favorite streaming show.


I’m working to shed my melancholy, to not dwell on the feeling that in my lifetime, we seem to have regressed as a country in many ways. The antidote is to get engaged. To work for the things I believe in, all of which I am doing in my way. And by all means – VOTE! There is nothing less at stake this go round than whether the United States will retain its status as a leader of the free world, or whether we will declare how little we have learned and elect the least qualified person to have ever run for President. The fact that it will be our own damn fault if we do is cold comfort.


So, for the moment, I – along with much of the world – will wait with bated breath for the outcome. My fingers are crossed and I look forward to opening my eyes to the news again. To feeling hopeful. To the promise made to us years ago of a country whose ideals are justice for all, not injustice for the moneyed, privileged few.


I am trying to stay optimistic despite the ups and downs I feel with each new election report. So for the moment – no more polls. I’m turning to a good novel or Netflix. Escape, for the moment, is my friend. I just hope that it doesn’t become a necessity to make it through the next few years in America.

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